By
Noora Haraholma
Being a coach
Listening to Muriel’s experience of
applying Kantor’s model to her group meeting was really interesting because our
preferred roles are so different from each other. Muriel often ends up being
the mover of the group and does not mind being the follower either. She can
also be an oppose and speak her mind if necessary but when asked she admitted
being a bit afraid of conflict when opposing people. However, she told that it
is easier to oppose when she closer with the people she is talking with. I
think this is the case for most of the people because knowing the other people
in the conversation helps us to move away from the polite discussion of the
field one where we cannot openly express own thoughts. Since there is one strong
leader in the group that she was working with this time, she decided to work on
the role of bystander. She felt that she was able to improve her listening
skills and learn to come up with new approaches. However, being in this role
was also rather demanding and she felt that she had to pay a lot of attention.
In my opinion practicing the role of bystander is really useful since it forces
us to listen to other people and think about other points of view rather than
advocating our own opinions or not expressing them at all. Muriel was also able
to give me interesting insights on the role of the follower. I had perceived
the role of the follower not so active but Muriel helped me to understand that
being a follower is not just about agreeing with the opinions of the mover.
That role also requires critical thinking and gaining an understanding why they
are supporting the opinions of somebody else. Here we can again see that
coaching is not just about helping the coachee to realize something but instead
it is a two-way learning process. We also discussed about the general dynamics
and roles in Muriel’s group. The roles in their group are rather stable, not
usually changing much. She came into a conclusion that trying out different
roles in order to gain more insight and make the group even better functioning
that it is know could be something that they could work on as a group.
Being
a coachee
During my coaching session I was able to
reflect why I end up taking certain roles in the groups. I told to Phuong, who
was coaching me, that I usually end up taking the role of the bystander or
follower in the conversation and feel rather uncomfortable when I have to be a
mover or an opposer. He wanted me to explain why and I came into a conclusion
that this behavior dates back to a time when I was younger and fairly shy.
Especially then I did not want to speak my mind and definitely not to oppose
because I wanted everybody to like me and thus, I was afraid that I might say
something that people would not agree with. I was more than happy being a
bystander and listening to other people’s opinions before saying anything. Also
already then I liked to back my opinions with data or other people’s opinions
that I had heard so that I would have some support for my views. As I mentioned
in my previous entry and as I told to Phuong, I have tried to practice being a
mover and I also did it this time. I feel that when I am in a position where I
have to act as a mover or I am frustrated with nobody else acting as one, these
feelings of obligation or frustration overcome the feeling of being shy.
However, I think that I should get out from my comfort zone and practice even
more taking the lead so that it would feel natural with it. Being a mover is a
skill that I will need in the future a lot if I want to end up in a good job.
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