Week 11 Coaching Assignment - Reflective entry: Presencing

by Muriel Guillod

First of all, I have to say that week after week, these coaching assignments have been pushing me further and further out of my comfort zone. The challenge of this week’s assignment was that I fully opened my heart, and thus became vulnerable to some extent. I shared very personal moments of my life with my team mates, who I only know since a couple of weeks, which is something quite unusual to do. They’ve probably learned more about myself and definitely much quicker than most of my friends and family.

As a coach, Phuong pushed me to further reflect on my memories and my experience during my presencing exercise. He challenged me concerning my previous experience at work, by asking me if it would be something that I would do again, and I had no hesitation answering him that yes, I would always stick to my values, and would rather loose a job than working for someone whose values and behaviours are so much in dissonance with mines. I told him, that already earlier in life, I made choices to avoid being in such a position where I couldn’t be aligned with my values. Indeed, when I started my studies, I considered becoming a lawyer, because I believed in social justice and wanted to defend the poor and the oppressed. Going through adolescence, I lost some of my idealistic visions and realised the world was full of injustice, and it were not lawyers who would bring that back on the right path. I’m not judging here or putting all lawyers in the same category, but I know that as a lawyer you could be court-appointed to defend a criminal and never ever would have I been able to do this. This is the main reason why I decided to embrace another field of studies and not study law any further.

Phuong confessed that him, similarly to me who was willing to be a bird, had once wished to be a fish. Whereas I feel more at ease in the air, Phuong’s element is water. We found many analogies: both birds and fishes are of various types, sizes, functions… Even the smallest bird or fish as an important part to play in the bigger picture, such as the little fish cleaning the back of his bigger fellow. Both birds and fishes are part of this world and live in harmony with their environment, adapting to it, and taking the best of it. None of them are insignificant, and all of them have their part to play in the life chain and in this world. We found that it was a perfect metaphor of how we felt the more authentic, each in our own way.

When having Phuong as a coachee, I listened carefully to his story and I was surprised that his reflection went in a completely different way than mine. Whereas I focused more on myself to define who I really am, Phuong also considered the opinion of others, his surroundings, such as family and friends. He compared the way he saw himself with how others perceived him and he found that the people the closest to him were not the ones that have the more accurate vision of him. They judge him according to their expectations, thus always being a big more critical and severe. For me, it was a real cultural difference. I know for instance that my parents will never compare me with others kids to judge of my successes and failures, and not even with my brother. They are proud of both of us, no matter what and they support every choice we make, as long as we make it sensibly and take time to think about it.

In my coaching session with Noora, we together realized that we’ve been to some extent, if not practicing presencing in the strict sense, at least asking ourselves some of the fundamental questions that we’ve reflected on during this first presencing session. For example, we’ve been questioning ourselves about the sense of our lives, what we wanted to become, who we really were, what our true values were and how we wanted to implement them in our lives. Reflecting about ourselves is not something either of us is used to, but rather something we would do in moments that are particularly favourable, such as when travelling abroad. What we’ve actually realized is that, being abroad actually helps us see our lives more clearly, as we’re taking some distance with the daily routine we’re used to (and sometimes stuck in) when we are in our home country. Becoming conscious of all this was for both of us probably the start of a new process, of a whole new journey. As discussed in class, what is important is to open the door a first time. Once this step is done, it will be easier to do it in the future. It’s like when you’re learning something new for the first time: it requires time and effort. But if you encounter the same thing again later on, it will be much easier to handle it.

All in all, this exercise of presencing made me realise that it is not the destination which matters, it’s the journey. And we just initiated the process, the road to discover who we truly are is still long, and the path will be changing over the years, according to the choices we make and the routes we take and those we decide to ignore. Taking time to reflect on myself actually was a discovery. In this world, where everything is always so urgent, we barely take time for ourselves anymore. I found it not only interesting, but crucial to also allow ourselves to take the time to actually take care of ourselves.