Reflective entry week 6_Mastering the practice of suspension          

Chi Phuong NGUYEN

All our coaching sessions have been conducted in the same manner so far, we met face-to-face in the meeting room.

We are not the expert in our field, and we cannot offer advice to others all the time. However, throughout the coaching sessions, we listened to other’s stories or situations, putting ourselves into the shoes of others and mirroring our situation and we found the optimal solution together. Our roles weren’t not distinguished clearly but we contributed actively to the coaching. Sometimes, when coach questioned coachee, the coachee could find out the solution by himself/herself. Certainly, the coaching sessions helped us to discover our blind spots as all of us were involved into the situation, working together to propose and complete the optimal solution. All of us benefited from improving our coaching skills.

This week’s coaching assignment was more challenging but seemed to be practical to us. Indeed, we have to manage different and complex relationship in our daily lives and in our social context. At work, we cannot choose to work or talk only with those whom we find comfortable. Even with those whom we maintain good relationships, there are moments when we have to discuss the tough, likely conflictual subjects. Therefore, the practice of suspension might have been an useful tool for us to manage the conversation and relationship without sacrificing our goal or power.

Noora and Muriel brought two different stories in two contexts. For Noora, it was about a relationship with a person that she was close in the past but no longer at present. Muriel led a conversation with her roommate about one controversial topic with different points of view.  Both Noora and Muriel managed well the practice of suspension, calming down and passing the cool down phrase to listen to their body and inner thoughts. They didn’t react immediately to express their points of view but take time to listen to others to understand their perspectives. One interesting question that Muriel raised during our session of coaching was: We discussed and used the practice of suspension when we cared about the relationship and the issue really mattered us. Thus, for those with whom we find it difficult to talk with and we don’t want to improve the relationship, should we invest time and effort to practice the suspension or let the relationship die as mentioned in the book Divide or conquer of Diana M. Smith? I linked to my situation and asked myself what would have happened if I hadn’t had the willing to improve the relationship with my teammate.

Practicing the suspension, listening to our body and our thoughts really helped us to resolve the problems. Experiencing the calm down, telling our real thoughts and emotions to others are just like waiting for our turn. People show the respect to those who listen actively to them. We aren’t in a gunfight in the Wild West in the 1800s, having to shot the first to survive.